Life hack for NBA players upset with NBA 2K23 ratings

I look at you, Dr.

I look at you, Dr.
screenshot: NBA2K Twitter

Can we please stop bothering the people responsible for your digital entertainment? First, the She-Hulk doesn’t look right, then Game of Thrones has a glitch, and now the annual Hunger Festival is back in which NBA players bemoan their NBA 2K ratings. Please, stop the anger. These people have families and things that are more important to worry about than the accuracy of their imagination.

Klay Thompson, who finished last season with the same 3-point percentage as Kevin Love, was unhappy with his rating from Deep Less 99.

Never mind that anyone, even someone who works at 2K Games, could tell Thompson wasn’t the same last year. Algorithm developers age franchise mode players begin to decline during year 10, so stop insulting with age.

Kevin Durant is only happy when he jokes about something, and this week’s target was Ronnie 2K. While I’m sure Rooney would welcome that kind of public interest – I’m not sure if he was famous because of the video game, or if the video game was popular because of him – the general public, as a whole, couldn’t make the nonsense that Durant isn’t 99.

I feel stupid having to explain this, but Durant is in his 15th season, and he’s far from a Cal Ripken-level of durability. Did KD even look at what categories dropped his overall rating? His injury rating might be dragging it down.

Javale McGee also was upset with developers, only it had nothing to do with his on-court ratings.

Well, actually… that’s a legitimate grievance. My guess as to what happened is the developers scanned his face during one of the many times he’s looked at the refs in disbelief that they whistled him for mauling a guy. You have nothing to blame but your never-ending reach-in fouls, Javale.

Thompson and Durant want credit for past performances, and that kind of thought process is why Kobe Bryant was still torching people in online matchups during the years he was washed. How is 2K Games going to make money off of the search for the Dark Matter cards when everyone is a 99? I’ve played against a team of all 99s, and it was miserable.

I have a solution: If they all want to be perfect, there’s a feature called “Create a player” that allows you to do just that. How do you think 19-time NBA champion, and 10-time league MVP Sean Beckwith exists? I made him, and gave him Ray Allen’s jumper mixed with Vince Carter’s bounce.

They can even scan their faces and upload them onto their avatars. It’s not perfect, and if you have facial hair, you can’t remove it, but it’s an upgrade from the perma-disdain rendered on McGee’s face. And I don’t feel bad that the real tattoos aren’t available. I’ve seen enough NBA players’ ink to know where the inspiration for 2K’s slate of designs came from. Welcome to the limitations of the game, and the joys of microtransactions.

Also, Durant and Thompson’s shooting motions are already a selectable option, so they wouldn’t have to customize their own (but they could if they wanted to). Another great perk for creating a player is Durant could put himself on the roster of his choice without having to turn the AI down in franchise mode to trade himself to Phoenix. Bootleg KD might have to face NBA 2K-authenticated KD in the Finals, but as long as human KD saves before the simulation dictates his opponent, he can just restart the game until the computer spits out his preferred matchup.

That’s the nice thing about video games. They’re fake and are created with the intention of letting people live out their fantasies digitally. If Durant wants a reality where he doesn’t age, and Kyrie Irving can play home games and defense, that only exists on PS5.